Do You Cult Hop? How to Leave Religion…
This is for those that feel stuck in their community and can’t seem to break free, even though they want too. This would be part of reclaiming yourself in the “triple r method” — reclaim, release, reinvent.
So when you’re in that “lost apostate” that transition time, most people start cult hopping. They go from one religion to another or try different churches or they just basically try to swap one system over for another.
What you want to focus on is getting a fresh start and rebuilding your beliefs from the ground up. You to build mental toughness, strength, confidence and self-belief.
One of the first and easiest ways to break free is simply by ghosting.
Ghosting: Is basically ceasing to have communication with any individual that tries to bring you back. A lot of times when you’re first leaving you haven’t practised speaking up for yourself or against the beliefs of the cult. Or you have and it causes big fights and it leaves you feeling worse or guilty or angry.
While you’re transitioning, gathering information, learning about your own healing. It’s really nobody else’s business why you’re not coming to church. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is just ghost them for a while. Of course, if they care about you, they’re going ask, and you should expect this, and have a plan. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want too. You can simply ignore them, or just text them back and say you’re taking some time to yourself for yourself.
Don’t let worry get the better of you at this point b/c, they are your real friends, they’re going to accept you outside of that religion when you’re ready to come back. But speaking as someone on the other side, if they’re not your real friends they’re ghosting you anyways when you don’t return. SO be prepared to let go of some people in your life currently, so you can make room for new friends that support your new beliefs.
If you have nobody right now make sure to join our group of New generation apostates so you have community and you have the support to make new decisions.
Travelling: This might seem a bit difficult at the moment considering COVID, but if you have the ability to even get out of your hometown, this can help make BIG SHIFTS!
When I left to travel to Thailand and India and eventually South America & other places, I opened myself up to other cultures, other beliefs systems and other travellers who had their own points of view about life.
I was able to hold a space of curiosity w/o judgement, I was able to ask questions I’d never been able to ask & most importantly I was able to immerse myself in a whole new environment where my old beliefs didn’t matter to anyone else around me. W/o the cloud of my hometown friends, family and community, I was then to see things from a very different vantage point, like going from a valley to the top of a mountain and it was much easier to let go of some of the most prolific beliefs that had me restrained. I at that point I had seen and learned too much to ever go back.
Now I understand if at this time you cannot leave your community. BUT what can you do? Can you move to a different part of the city, a different state, can you join a collective group of people in your area that challenge the status quo? Can you volunteer somewhere where other beliefs are completely different than your own, a museum, an indigenous community, a meditation group? What can you do to mix up your circle normal and comfortable, and come from a place of curiosity?
Speaking Up: This one might be the most difficult one for the “lost apostate” if you haven’t been speaking up for yourself, and you don’t know how to just say “no” and walk away, you can end up in big fights that go in circles.
As you may have noticed, people are very defensive of their beliefs systems. And you have to understand that when you attack them, you’re instantly attacking the person’s very identity. Even if they have zero proof that their god exists and complete lack of understanding, and they’re spouting off ambiguous, vague claims of truth. Arguing with them is futile.
Arguing with them puts you right at their level.
When you speak up it needs to be a solid, strong, courageous no, knowing that they’re going to come at you with something. That’s their job, their job is to win souls for their ritualised system and formula.
So it’s like this:
“No, I won’t discuss this with you any further.
“I appreciate that we have differences in our beliefs, I won’t discuss this with you any further.”
“I said, no and I’m going to leave now unless you can respect my boundaries around this issue.”
If you’re looking for help with religious trauma, or you’re actively choosing to change your indoctrinated beliefs, come join our free group and become a part of the new generation apostates where you’ll be empowered with tips to help you move forward & have support from like-minded people.
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/healreligioustrauma/